Critique Clinic – June 10, 2011
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WE NOW HAVE OUR FIVE ARTISTS AND THEIR CARDS TO BE CRITIQUED – THE CLINIC IS CLOSED FOR THIS WEEK. Please check the comments section of this post to see the cards and critiques and/or to add your own. Thanks to everyone who participates. See you next Friday!
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How does it work? Each week on Friday, I will open the clinic to any artist who wants an honest peer review and critique of a card which gets plenty of clicks but no sales, so something’s probably not quite right. Or perhaps you’re a newbie who isn’t sure if a recently submitted card is up to a marketable standard. Anyone is welcome to participate. In fact, I encourage everyone to at least look at the cards in question and read the critique comments – you may learn something. The purpose of the clinic is to help artists improve the commercial appeal and marketability of their cards.
THE RULES
- ONE card per artist only.
- Card must be for sale at Greeting Card Universe.
- Only 5 artists will be accepted per weekly clinic – first come, first served. If you miss out, you’ll have to wait until the next week. International artists, if your time zone doesn’t permit prompt participation, get in touch with me and I’ll try to work something out with you.
- To submit a card for critique, post a link to the card’s details page at GCU in the comments section of this clinic post. Check through the comments before you submit to see how many cards have already been submitted that day. If the number is five, please do not post yours. Any cards posted after the limit is reached will be deleted from the comment thread.
- Any artist is free to comment and/or give a critique of a submitted card. HOWEVER, post-and-run comments like “great card” or “you suck” will not be tolerated, nor will abuse. Criticism should be constructive, not destructive. Play nice or you will be banned.
- I also won’t tolerate temper tantrums if you decide your “artistic integrity” is being stepped on because you asked for a critique, and someone told you the photo you’re using isn’t in focus. If you can’t take honest criticism, don’t submit. Once gets you a warning; twice and you’re banned from submitting in the future.
- Artists who critique may do so by giving their opinion, posting an example of another card, or pointing the submitter to a video, on-line article, or other helpful suggestion.
- Don’t forget that artists who are giving you tips and helpful advice are volunteering their time and trouble. Be nice. A link back to their store on your website or blog is appreciated (but not mandatory).
- You are free not to take any advice offered. There’s no guarantee any card will be a bestseller, so don’t come into the clinic with unrealistic expectations.
- Rules may change as we go along and we see how things turn out, okay?
So without any further ado, I declare this week’s Critique Clinic open!
GCU Community 
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-SIDS+Sympathy+-+Loss+of+Baby+-+No+Words-greeting+card-813670?pid=813670&aid=152843&ref=cb_card_title
32 clicks
Tracie, trust me when I tell you that a card this new card hasn’t really had time to be indexed by search engines – that can take 6+ months.
Here are my comments on the card: the placement of the tulip on the front of the card makes a well balanced composition. However, I find the very gray photograph and overall tone to be quite somber and mature for a loss of child sympathy card. You may want to take a look here; loss of child sympathy cards tend to be a little lighter.
http://www.hallmark.com/Browse/Index?n=&ctx=ContentSearchProfile&pg=1&rpp=&sort=&k=loss%20of%20child&npath=
In addition, I find the inside text to be extremely formal. Remember that a card is actually a conversation between the buyer and the recipient. You want the words to be heartfelt and natural, the way people speak. And be careful with the “blame” word in such a card; you may want to re-think that line. All in all, if this was a condolence card for the loss of an adult, I couldn’t find much to critique. However, for a child, I think it needs a little work.
Corrie
Corrie
Thank you very much, Corrie…much appreciated.
I just wanted to say how much I appreciated everyone’s feedback (on ALL the cards.) I’m new to this industry and have learned quite a bit today that I didn’t know before. I fiddled and fiddled with my card and ended up with the same design but different color and softness (not quite blue-not quite pink)…I also reworked the inside and simply put: “I am so sorry for your loss…When you need me, I’m here…
Here is the updated version: http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-SIDS+Sympathy+-+Loss+of+Baby+-+No+Words-greeting+card-813670?pid=813670&aid=152843&ref=cb_card_title
What do you think? Better?
Hi Tracie – Lovely start to what will be a fabulous card! As a photographer, I love the image, but I too would like a touch of color … sort of a psychological “light at the end of the tunnel” or a touch of hope in a bleak time. Have you thought about starting with the color photo, duplicating the layer. Desaturating the top layer, then erasing with a soft-edged brush over the colorful tulip bud? Here is an example of how I used that technique, if a visual works better for you: http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/shopping/viewdetails.asp?pid=827477&&aid=137160&ref=cb_card_title
If you had two versions – a pink tulip and a bluer/purplish tulip (but keep in a color that would be found in the tulip family), you could even expand your offerings (people might be more likely to purchase the pink for a lost girl and bluish for a lost boy). I LOVE the front of card text, and the soft “your baby” as well (I almost missed that – I love it just the way it is!). Inside text .. I personally am one of the “less is more” type of people, but that is just me. I too find the inside a little too formal for such a touching reason for the card, a little stilted. I’d be likely to change it to just “The center of your world has fallen with the loss of your little one. I am here for you.” Can’t wait to see where you go with this image!
Yes, I think you’re right, Peggy. Selective coloring just might be the answer. It’s so hard not to jump in an fix it right away–but I must be patient until my ‘surgery consultation’ is complete so I can go perform surgery!….though working on this card again is going to be difficult…I have a baby, and when I made this card the first time I couldn’t sleep and had to check on her a dozen times…:( Truth be told, I hope this card is never a high-seller…)
Hi Tracie,
I’m just going to offer one other alternative example feeding off of Peggy’s thoughts. Another way to add a bit of ‘light’ to a monotone photograph is to add a ray or beam of light. This works particularly well (in my opinion) for sympathy card. Here’s link to a Photoshop Light Beam Brush set:
http://www.obsidiandawn.com/light-beams-photoshop-gimp-brushes
Another thing you might try with this type of subject and tone value is to frame the tulip using slightly different tone values to set it apart from the background. Here is an example:
http://artist.greetingcarduniverse.com/-In+Lieu+of+Flowers+Sympathy+Memorial+Donation+Card+in+Black+and+White+Solitary+Tulip-greeting+card-769616?pid=769616&ref=cb_card_title
Thank you, Doreen. The light beam must be a good idea because I got teary picturing what it would look like…are Photoshop brushes compatible with Paint Shop Pro?
I’m not sure if this will work, but I’m posting a link to an updated version of my card on my Facebook page (I don’t have a regular website yet). I’m not entirely satisfied with it, but can’t figure out quite what it needs…
I LOVE your updated card, Tracie! It’s stunning! Sad reason for it, but stunning card. I only wish I could see a copy of the original again. I recall that the image was mostly blue (or grayish?) tones. And I vaguely recall the line inside the card that seemed a little like pointing out self-blame… but it’s better now that you took it out.
I think your revised card shows how very successful this new clinic is going to be. 🙂 Fingers crossed that I get one of mine in next week. 😀
Cindy
Thank you, Cindy. I am so appreciative for this new provision….Right now I am editing other cards of mine with font issues that I didn’t realize I had before today… And yes, it was very grey-blue.
I agree – the card is simply STUNNING now! Great job, Tracie, nicely executed!
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/shopping/zoom.asp?pid=797985&w=1&ref=details_large_view
critique away….I’m thick skinned so say what you like. 🙂
Cheryl
PS Hope I’m doing this right.
I hope I’m doing this right…To Cheryl: Your card idea is very cute and creative, but it might draw better attention if the font matched the style of the dinosaur better. Also if the PSP Picture tubes were removed and replaced by similar drawing like the dinosaur….hope that’s helpful…
Cheryl… to be honest, there is a lot wrong with this particular card. Frankly, it isn’t commercial. I agree with Tracie – none of the elements in your design match, nor do your colors. The dinosaur drawing is very basic and naive (the form is good but the drawing itself needs a lot more work), then the other elements – the bouquet, veil, etc – are completely different and obviously don’t belong there. The formal font you chose doesn’t match the loose style of the drawing, and the color doesn’t match the dinosaur’s pink (which is a difficult color to complement anyway). The flames don’t really work, either. All told, the humorous sentiment and idea is nice, but you need to put a whole lot more work into it to make the design marketable.
Here’s one I did so you can see how the colors in the design come back in the text –
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Here+comes+the+bride+zilla-greeting+card-411504?pid=411504&ref=cb_card_title
Corrie
I love the crazy dinosaur, and her ? colour.
Hi Cheryl – I like where you were headed with the humor, but echo the advice that Corrie gave already. The other thing I would mention: purple and green are opposites on the color wheel – when you put those opposites together it is particularly jarring to the eye … hard to look at .. there is a time/place to use such a harsh feature, but I think a black outline (or the same hue as the dinosaur, but moving it towards the darker hues in its spectrum) would keep folks looking at your card longer, once you tweak the design. Have fun with this one!
Yes, I knew this was a very ugly card….thanks for the comments ladies! 🙂
Good luck! I hope you’re able to polish up your design! Like I said, the concept is good…. the execution needs work.
Corrie
Corrie,
What a wonderful concept this is. Greeting card design isn’t as easy as many people think. Type placement and choosing a font is an art unto itself and makes all the difference in the world for a successful card as well as many other elements. Constructive criticism is a wonderful thing because it truly does help the designer with an open mind go forth with new knowledge and inspiration.
Your time and effort is much appreciated!
Best,
Laura Holman (the art of LJ Holman card store)
One of the reasons I’m doing this, Laura, is that a really poor card doesn’t just hurt the artist who made it – it hurts every artist. If a shopper searching for a card on GCU comes across a badly designed card first thing, they’re likely to assume all cards on GCU are the same and go away. Many shoppers don’t understand that GCU is composed of different independent artists; they think it’s a single business. By trying to help other artists improve their designs, I hope we’ll all make more sales! 🙂
Corrie
You can tell when I made that card I was having an artistic block…
Sorry I think this is OK, would love feed back, thanks Mary.
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Green+Frog+,+lets+elope-greeting+card-818961?pid=818961&aid=140624&ref=cb_card_title
Okay, Mary…. the frog is cute with the little crown. However, I question what a frog has to do with elopement? I can see where you’re trying to go with it, but it doesn’t really work as there doesn’t seem to be much relevance. An elopement card would be, I think, romantic rather than so highly cartoonish. The font choice works for whimsy but shouldn’t be bent that way; it warps the letters and gives the text an unattractive quality. Be careful in your composition to keep the design elements in balance with the text. And the background seems kind of muddy without a lot of definition. You may want to reconsider the purpose of this card, or possibly choose a different kind of background for your frog, something not photographic, and definitely re-think your text.
Corrie
Thanks Corrie, I see what you mean…I suppose I think of the frog as the prince waiting for a kiss from his princess!…I know the text is bad, and I wish I had a talent for witty verse !
This is a cute concept, and I get the whole ‘princess and frog’ idea too (a card for an eloping couple who’s courtship is like a fairytale story). I agree with Corrie, the background and frog don’t quite match each other. If the frog was slightly more realistic or the background was a bit more fantasy-like the elements would go together better (in my opinion)…One other thing I noticed: the frog appears to be floating above the water–maybe a bit of shadow, and sit the frog down on the ground….
Hi Mary – I totally get the Frog Prince and that this is celebrating the end of kissing all those frogs : )- I have to agree – the cartoon frog and the photo backdrop are fighting for control of the image. I like a whimical card for this – there are plenty of serious romantic cards out there already (and I’m a little off the beaten path, myself – ha!). I’d like go simpler on the design. Save the photo for another card. Use a blank white card backdrop – let the frog pop on the white. Put him on a lilypad, so he isn’t suspended in air – I’d angle the pad, so it isn’t just a static, flat look. And put a SLIGHT reflection on the pad (to hint that it might be wet). And maybe play with just a bit of inside text – something that says “I’m done kissing frogs – let’s get this marriage started!” Keep it fun and keep the theme going to the inside. I’m still smiling over your fun frog : )-
Hi Mary,
Ditto Corrie & Peggy – Being a photographer, I have tried my hand at combining a photograph with graphic/clip-art type element and can never accept it…LOL! I love where Peggy is going on this thought, something simple like a lily pad and since you are using a cartoon graphic, consider putting a crown on that prince!
Sorry Mary…I went back and looked at the wrong frog on my second glance! Your prince does have a crown! Excuse me please it’s only 7:30 a.m. in California and I’ve only had 1 cup of coffee 🙂
Cute card, has potential… I’m a little unconvinced though, by the frog, as he looks more like he’s sitting on the ground than jumping in the air. If he were in the air, his front wouldn’t be so evenly lined up with his rear. One would be up and one down. And his feet would not look so flat. Also, his head wouldn’t be so straight ahead, and I’d like to see a bit more facial expression. The color of the face seems washed out. His head would be larger, because of perspective. Leaning him on a diagonal would lend a sense of movement. I’m not saying it has to be a museum piece, just needs a fun sense of action. I’d try to find some reference material. I don’t think the photographic background adds much. I’d rather see a fun drawn one that goes with the character, maybe some fun pond details, butterflies, plants, humorous like the frog. And, the concept overall is a little iffy as eloping isn’t a very childlike thing to do and even suggesting it in a card at all seems kind of weird imho… of course, it’s up to the customer.
Hi, I would like to throw my hat into the ring. This is a card I thought was so cute and appealing, I suppose just to me! Thanks in advance for all the help. Please don’t feel bad if I don’t comment back right away, I
have to go to work.
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Happy+Birthday+Stars+from+us-greeting+card-794243?pid=794243&aid=145102&ref=cb_card_title
Betsy, the colors are almost appropriate for the sentiment and I love the idea of the card. I hate to tell you this, but beveling effects went out about ten years ago. You may want to reconsider whether that’s the best choice for a greeting card. With the many stars, the design lacks focus, and the text on the front seems almost like an afterthought, although your font choice is readable. You may want to tweak your color scheme so the colors aren’t quite so washed out – kid-friendly colors are brighter. Try to find a definite focal point – like one star standing out from the rest in some way. The design isn’t terribly commercial as it stands.
Corrie
Good Morning, Betsy. Great start on this card! It is a LITTLE busy for me. I think Corrie nailed it when she said “lacks focus”. Scrap the beveling – I prefer the image to go ahead and drop off the card, instead of feeling trapped on the card with a frame – especially the flowing of the leading lines that the stars create on this this one! The color bar of blue is distracting to me as well – not sure what I’d do with that however.
So … what would it look like if you:
– take out the text
– made the star in the lower left just a bit larger (not too large, since she is your “little star”) – put it on it’s own design layer for this re-do
– Brighten the whole card – more intense color
– then on the layer that DOESN’T have your Little Star – have it make a gradual fade – brightest in the lower left, mellowing out to the upper right (and just for fun – try a version where it is mellow in upper right brightening to the lower left – see which pops the Little Star the best for you).
– now – re-add the text – overlaying the now-mellowed background. larger – maybe on two lines:
Happy Birthday
to our Little Star!
in a fun, whimsical, easy to read script? A bit bolder in color, so it doesn’t melt into the background.
What do you think? I like the start to this one!
Hi Betsy, I’m new to the greeting card business, so my ‘advice’ may not be the best, as I have much to learn…I like your card and it’s colors. if I was designing it, I might re-size the stars coming from the right to be a bit smaller. Then, make the single star to the left a bit bigger and more toward the center (not in the center but in just a bit) so it becomes the focal point. I’d also brighten just that one star so it stands out from the background and other stars. Also, if you remove the beveling, then the eye would be drawn to the illustration rather than its embellishments…(if the advice isn’t helpful–just ignore it)
Corrie, Peggy, and Tracie, thanks to you all for the wonderful input. I can’t wait to get down to tweaking. Appreciate all your advice and love reading the advice to all the others. What a great learning process this is. Have a great weekend!
Hope I made it in – here’s one from me http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Will+you+be+my+bridesmaid-greeting+card-779844?pid=779844&aid=137698&f=1&ref=cb_card_title
Based on previous discussions, I am sure the shadow effect should be removed and I’d love any additional comments on this card. I’ve gotten no clicks on this one and it’s been up for a bit now.
Awww man…I overslept – of all mornings! I haven’t looked at the other cards yet (because I was in a hurry to scroll down & count the entries), but I think yours is beautiful, Donna! Glad you got it in on time, too. 😉 I don’t have a critique…but I’ll look forward to reading what anyone else has to say. 🙂
Cindy
Sorry, Cindy! Better luck next week. If I see that a lot of people are wanting in and can’t meet the deadline, I may open a second clinic HOWEVER I do expect other artists to wade in and give their own opinions. This isn’t the Corrie Kuipers show! 🙂
Corrie
Donna, the cream and pink colors are extremely close in hue, so that rather than complementing each other, they tend to cancel each other out. The metallic effect on the text isn’t great, and makes the text a bit less legible, as does the shadow effect. On the other hand, font choice is good for the purpose. While you intend for the focus of the card to be the heart with its ornament, it doesn’t stand out at all – it kind of blends into the background. Only the text is popping, and not in a good way. Also, is that beveling I see on the edge of the rectangle? Those kind of effects are OK for designing website buttons (although that went out a decade ago) but not for greeting cards. Don’t forget, this card is competing with a LOT of other cards in that category. I suggest you study the best selling cards in that category to see what you’re up against. Your card needs a “wow” factor or it will just disappear.
Corrie
Hi Donna,
I love the overall feel of the card. Quite wonderful! I personally have always had an issue with flush right type, and I feel it looks a bit awkward here somehow. If you squint at your card (a trick used a lot in art and my ad biz days) the thing that pops the most is the type, and the depth of it is exactly the depth of your art, so they are in direct competition with each other. I think when you decide which element should take center stage, that’s when the card will come together. Maybe even repeating the art in a subtle repetitive pattern as a background to the type may be another way to play with it. It’s worth the effort because it really is lovely!
Best,
Laura
Hello Donna –
Love the scroll work on this card! I am usually a HUGE fan of same color accents (like a white shirt with white accents) but I am with Corrie, it just isn’t quite working here. I’d adjust the scrollwork of the heart more to the white end of the spectrum. Brighten it up a bit so it does pop more. Extend the background all the way to a full bleed – less is more to bring the eye back to the fancy heart. I like the drop shadow on the heart, but it does muddy up the text a bit too much. Font deserves a crispness that just isn’t here … yet. Now for the inside text. I read conflicting messages here – the first paragraph talks about “when we met” and “our love” and sound like the card should be for your fiance. The second paragraph talks about the friend you want to be a part of the day. I’d scrap the first paragraph all together and really just keep the second one! I think this can turn into a seller with only a little re-working!
Donna. Wow, what a beautiful heart! If you made that yourself, kudos to you, plus I’m jealous (wish I had that kind of talent)–if not, great eye for choosing it! I think the ‘advice’ you gave yourself was the best. If you remove the shadow effect, the text will pop. Also, if the heart was a bit more separated from the background the eye would be drawn to it more (and you want that because it’s beautiful and needs to be shown off!)–maybe make the white part whiter, or make the contrast of the two tones one notch more? Not sure…
About the inside verse, I have to agree with Peggy. Though a lovely first paragraph, when I read it I thought the card was directed to the ‘husband-to-be’ and had to go back and look at the cover to see who the card was for. If you keep that part, maybe put it in quotes or parenthesis to separate the two thoughts. Or, like Peggy said, just keep the second paragraph?
Hi Donna,
In addition to the great suggestions you’ve already received, I would change the pink to one of the more popular wedding hues for the season, remove the cream backdrop entirely letting the pink flow off the card and replace the cream accents with a contrasting color from the same wedding palette (see the Rainbow Connection on this blog for ideas). Then play a bit with putting the Will You part in the heart using the font you are using and choose a simple classic non-script font for the Be My Bridesmaid and place that smaller in the open space. This is an example of what I’m talking about for complimenting two fonts to reduce clutter and spread your message in a more balanced format on the card front.
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Lesbian+Wedding+Invitation+for+PERSONALIZED+with+Rings+in+Black+and+White-greeting+card-712975?pid=712975&gcu=43045123714
And Corrie gave a great text clinic on this blog so that can provide some tips too.
I wanted to thank everyone for the helpful tips. I’ll work on adjusting the card some time today. I’ll post the adjustments here for perhaps a before/after comparison – hopefully what I “improve” on works.
To answer your question on the heart, I didn’t draw it myself – it came from a brush set I downloaded (I think it was one of ObsidianDawn’s brush sets – I’ll have to look again).
I do hope to get mom on board with the verses – she’s better with words than I!!
I finally “fixed” the card eliminating the top part of the verse inside and changing the color and removing the border – the text was moved around and all of the lighter color changed to a light ivory – I thought white clashed too much. I’d appreciate if the fixes actually improved the card or not.
Missed the boat, was up early, but still missed it. Oh, well! Next week.
Will read through the comments now!
Feel free to leave your own comments, too. 🙂
Corrie
Mary, I think your card with the frog is perfectly fine…. people buying on GCU are there to buy greeting cards not a piece of art to keep as a future antique so I don’t see why we are aiming for such a high standard….yes, standards need to be high but we have to keep it in perspective. If my cards were going to be turned into a framed piece of art for a museum then that would be a different story. We shouldn’t be dragging ourselves over the coals about it. It’s like every single card can be advised to make changes by someone and then another eye doesn’t see the need for change at all….which in the case of your frog card I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with it for a greeting card. Critiquing can go a bit overboard at times.
I’m not saying critiquing is wrong or not needed because it is but we need to keep it in perspective. Even if you change a design on every suggestion there will still be more suggestions coming….seems a little endless.
Ok, sort of got off track here but I hope you all “get” what I mean.
Bed time over here in the land of OZ. G’night folks!
Cheryl 🙂
Submitting a card for critique is voluntary, as it the critiquing itself. Some artists would like to improve the marketability of their cards, and are willing to put themselves up for review from their peers, which include artists who are top sellers, so they must be doing something right. I have to assume that anyone putting their cards up for sale at GCU is interested in selling those cards. If you aren’t sure whether your design is commercial enough to compete, or if your card is getting clicks but no sales (and therefore, shoppers aren’t interested enough to buy), then getting that advice may help you.
If you think your cards are fine the way they are, then submitting for critique is not for you.
Corrie
Seems I was misunderstood…Ah, well…moving on….
Cheryl
Thanks Cheryl, I get carried away with the process, and am keen on the graphic and realism being mixed , to create something new, but I know everyone seems to like traditional themes….and artwork.
Looks as if I must bite the bullet and conform, if my sales are to lift !!
Mary – no need to conform (I am a big supporter of coloring outside the lines!) … if the mixture is your goal, then go with it … keep playing with it until you find The Winning Formula … the one that uses YOUR vision and makes sales! I would suggest letting folks know straight up what your vision is, so we can add constructive input that is in keeping with that. My mind is already working in another direction for you (nothing concrete yet to offer, but it DID change the way I would critique your image) : )-
Hi Corrie,
Just a thought for the time-difference issue. Perhaps it’s fair to suggest that an artist who has made it in for a critique can not enter another card until you open the doors for ‘repeat customers’ . This will automatically start a flow of time-zones I think with no real effort on your part 🙂 Once this has gone on a few weeks I’m sure it will calm down a bit and you can open it back up to repeat business.
Food for thought 🙂
Thanks, Doreen! I will likely add something like that to the rules for next week’s clinic. If I see that artists are missing out b/c of the time zone thing, then I may have 2 clinics a week – one for the International artists, one for the U.S. artists. But we’ll see how it goes.
Corrie
For those on the Pacific Coast (P.S.T) you can post your card the night before…I was on my way to bed about 11:00pm when the Clinic opened.
Are we allowed to post again in following weeks , once we have had one go?
I’ll be adding this to the rules next week: in order for everyone to have the best chance, once you get into a clinic, you have to wait 4 weeks to submit to a clinic again. I think that’s fair enough to the artists. You are free to come in and post your own comments, critique, or just read and learn.
Corrie
Thanks Peggy, I am excited you have some ideas brewing for me !!
Have put the shadow under frog…..MUCH better! Thanks.
Just checked it out. The frog seems as though he is “in” the photograph now, rather than on top of it! Nice job, Mary!
Donna, the color is vastly improved – you can finally see the elegant graphic element as there’s now much more contrast.
Corrie
thanks, Corrie… and to everyone who offered advice… I’ve adjusted the other accompanying cards in this small series to reflect similar changes… thank you ALL again!!! I knew this would be a great thing! Now, to get a blog set up!