Critique Clinic – June 17, 2011
WE NOW HAVE OUR FIVE CARDS FOR THIS WEEK! Please check the comments to participate in discussion or see what we’ve been talking about during this clinic. See you next week!
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How does it work? Each week on Friday, I will open the clinic to any artist who wants an honest peer review and critique of a card which gets plenty of clicks but no sales, so something’s probably not quite right. Or perhaps you’re a newbie who isn’t sure if a recently submitted card is up to a marketable standard. Anyone is welcome to participate. In fact, I encourage everyone to at least look at the cards in question and read the critique comments – you may learn something. The purpose of the clinic is to help artists improve the commercial appeal and marketability of their cards.
THE RULES
- ONE card per artist only.
- Card must be for sale at Greeting Card Universe.
- Only 5 artists will be accepted per weekly clinic – first come, first served. If you miss out, you’ll have to wait until the next week. International artists, if your time zone doesn’t permit prompt participation, get in touch with me and I’ll try to work something out with you.
- To submit a card for critique, post a link to the card’s details page at GCU in the comments section of this clinic post. Check through the comments before you submit to see how many cards have already been submitted that day. If the number is five, please do not post yours. Any cards posted after the limit is reached will be deleted from the comment thread.
- Any artist is free to comment and/or give a critique of a submitted card. HOWEVER, post-and-run comments like “great card” or “you suck” will not be tolerated, nor will abuse. Criticism should be constructive, not destructive. Play nice or you will be banned.
- I also won’t tolerate temper tantrums if you decide your “artistic integrity” is being stepped on because you asked for a critique, and someone told you the photo you’re using isn’t in focus. If you can’t take honest criticism, don’t submit. Once gets you a warning; twice and you’re banned from submitting in the future.
- Artists who critique may do so by giving their opinion, posting an example of another card, or pointing the submitter to a video, on-line article, or other helpful suggestion.
- Don’t forget that artists who are giving you tips and helpful advice are volunteering their time and trouble. Be nice. A link back to their store on your website or blog is appreciated (but not mandatory).
- You are free not to take any advice offered. There’s no guarantee any card will be a bestseller, so don’t come into the clinic with unrealistic expectations.
- Once you submit a card for the clinic, you may NOT submit again for 4 weeks – fair’s fair.
- Rules may change as we go along and we see how things turn out, okay?
So without any further ado, I declare this week’s Critique Clinic open!
GCU Community 
Wow, can’t believe I made it this week!
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Country+Farm+Thank+You+Greeting+Card-greeting+card-811663?pid=811663&aid=151407&ref=cb_card_title
On it’s own, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the photograph. It’s got plenty of atmosphere. The text placement is almost right – maybe shove over to the left a little to balance the text placement with the silos on the right. You may also want to do the text flat rather than embellished, maybe make it white to give it more of an ethereal feel. To make the card a bit more exciting, you may want drop the photo down to lose most of the water in the front, giving the sky more prominence, creating more drama. You may also want to consider adding some verse to the inside.
Corrie
My big problem with this card is that the text is too large for the card?
No, I think your big problem with the card is that while the photograph is decent, it’s also very bland. Maybe you want to play with the image a little. Read my critique for suggestions.
Corrie
I agree with Corrie in that the photo could be dropped a little to show more sky and less water. It is a very pleasing picture and I think changing this will balance the composition. Additionally, the photo is slightly off-balance from left to right. Can you re-center and show the barn being more centered. There is more open space to the left of the cows than to the right of the silos. If you do these 2 things it would be more in line with the rule of thirds. I do agree you may want to add inside verse to cater to a specific group of customers.
Hi Cathy,
This photo (textured?) just needs a bit of punch. Some ways to accomplish this is to either use a technique I call ‘painting with light’ where in Photoshop, using the mask on the Levels layer you bring out some highlights in some areas or darken others. Then do the same with a Saturation layer. Or you could also play with adding another light source. My FB Fan page has a tutorial I added on June 12 which might be something fun to experiment with.
Here it is again:
Because images can looked different from monitor to monitor, just saying this
so you know I really did work on this card.
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Country+Farm+Thank+You+Greeting+Card-greeting+card-811663?pid=811663&aid=151407&ref=cb_card_title
Please critique this card. I get many clicks on this design but very few sold. It is one of the first cards I designed and needs much improvement. Think it may need more text but every time I work on adding text, I get frustrated.
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Happy+60th+Birthday-greeting+card-476644?pid=476644&aid=137290&ref=cb_card_title
Quick question on previous critiques: Corrie and others mentioned that beveling is out. Do you mean beveling like I did on the text of this card? Since I’m new to the digital art world, it seems new to me. Would be a good subject for nuts and bolts.
Thanks in advance…. really looking forward to your input.
Kati
Well, Kati, there’s a lot going on here. There’s an overuse of gradient – it’s in the background and in the number. You may want to drop one of those. The number appears to be growing out of the flower – you may want to adjust the placement, bring it up a little and get it loose from the other elements.
Beveling like you did here for the number 60… definitely out. As I said previously, it’s okay for a web banner (although these days, a cleaner style is in) but not on a printed greeting card. I also find the use of shadow kind of excessive – that flower looks like it’s about to float off the page! I don’t know if you’ve actually ordered one of these cards to test it, but strong shadow may become a bit pixilated in the printing process. Also the background color and the subject elements tend to blend together since there’s little contrast.
Overall, be VERY sparing with effects.
Corrie
Is this better? I took all shadows off, lightened background and changed lettering. Maybe I should just not use any gradient in the background. Trying to get the candle light effect.
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Happy+60th+Birthday-greeting+card-476644?pid=476644&aid=137290&ref=cb_card_title
Thanks,
Kati
I’m no pro but maybe remove the gradient in the 60 and make it a bold solid color… it’s getting lost in there.
Like this?
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Happy+60th+Birthday-greeting+card-476644?pid=476644&aid=137290&ref=cb_card_title
Thanks Corrie and Donna,
Kati
It’s definitely better… at least to me… and I know I’m being obnoxious but maybe take those numbers down to even darker a shade – just a bit darker than what you have now…
Donna,
I like obnoxious! Really appreciate your input. That’s what this critique clinic is all about… honest and constructive evaluation and review.
Kati
Hi Kati- I like the graphic concept of the flowers and candle. The concept is simple and inviting. The tiger lily is well represented. I looked at the modifications you made in response to feedback. My thoughts are: Is there an extra space in between the 6 and 0. It appears there is more space than in some of the other cards with the same theme, which is distracting to my eye visually. Additionally, the colors coordinate well, however the palette is monochrome overall. What about pulling the darker color out of the flower and use for the # 60 instead of the same color as the background and flowers. I think having a variation like this will break the monochrome perception. I also, notice in the center of the tiger lily – 3 of the 6 inside pistils are red and the other 3 are yellow. I would pick 1 color instead of the 2. Try yellow to lighten the flower. My only other thought is that the candle and flower are off center and more heavily placed on the left, which is okay if the right side is balanced. I don’t know if the number is actually big enough to balance the candle. One thought would be to move the flower more into the center while keeping the candle to the left. Good luck.
Hi Kati – I think the tweaking you did is moving towards a stronger card (it’s nice that the others in your series show as well, so those of us late to the critique can see where the card started!). The only thing that jumps at me now is I’d close the space between the 6 and the 0 slightly, and I’d make the numbers a bit larger for “oomph” – right now the number fights with the beautiful tiger lily for my attention. Nice work!
Here’s the latest update in trying to incorporate suggestions.
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Happy+60th+Birthday-greeting+card-476644?pid=476644&aid=137290&ref=cb_card_title
Feels like it needs some kind of anchor as it seems to be floating in air.
Lynn, I think the variation in pistol colors you mentioned are different because of the red candle behind the flower. Maybe I should shorten the candle so it doesn’t show through. Will try that.
Thanks everyone!
Kati
The tweaks you’ve done are an improvement. Is the number the same color as the candle? You may want to take it down a couple of notches darker, since you want that to stand out from the rest of the palette you’re using.
Corrie
What about a complementary color background instead of the yellow?
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Happy+60th+Birthday-greeting+card-476644?pid=476644&aid=137290&ref=cb_card_title
Sorry, I’m really not feeling the love of gray-blue with the orange and red. You’re going in the right direction, though. A complementary color may work better than sticking to the hot palette, but it needs to be the right complementary color.
Corrie
Here a couple more backgrounds that may work. However, still is not right.
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/shopping/viewdetails.asp?pid=829548&&aid=137290&ref=cb_card_title
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/shopping/viewdetails.asp?pid=829549&&aid=137290&ref=cb_card_title
I can’t spend any more time on this today but will be back Monday.
I appreciate your time.
Everyone has been very helpful.
Thank you!
Kati
I light the paler background with the dark border myself… the grey/blue isn’t working for me either…
I agree with Donna…I like the thick, dark border. It kind of helps keep the candle and flowers from looking like they are floating.
Thinking ahead to Christmas and before I add many more to this series, here’s a photo taken at a friend’s house during last Christmas of her toy soldier ornament on the mantle. The photo is manipulated in PS Elements using an add-on called Fractalius to create this effect. Whatever is suggested will end up affecting twenty other cards in my store… and again, I’ll appreciate any insight. http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Merry+Christmas+toy+soldier+Mom+and+Dad-greeting+card-817140?pid=817140&aid=137698&ref=cb_card_title
I like the image (unusual to choose orange and tan instead of green and red for Christmas), however the text is illegible. While the formal font is appropriate for Christmas, when it’s squeezed in like that with a shadow behind it, you can barely read what it says. You may want to choose a different font that fits the space better. The border around the whole card is a kind of washed out yellowish beige; you may want to choose a stronger contrast color (like the color of the nutcracker’s boots), make the center image pop a little.
Also, in the inside verse, I find your use of a “bountiful harvest” kind of odd since the harvest is long over. A holdover from Thanksgiving, perhaps? The rest is good.
Corrie
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Merry+Christmas-greeting+card-817122?pid=817122&aid=137698&ref=cb_card_title
ok I went with a deeper color for the border and removed the bevel and added more saturation to the actual image itself. Font changed too although it might still need more help especially for the other cards that will have more than just “Merry Christmas” on the front. Inside verse adjusted as well… guess I think of my bountiful harvest as continuing after Thanksgiving…
Please let me know if adjustments made matters worse or better.
It’s got a lot more punch to it now! I like it. The font is much clearer. Yes, you will have a little problem with relationship specific cards because the boxing of the central image hasn’t left you with a whole lot of room. You might find a solution in putting “Mom and Dad” on the front of the card (or other relationship) and leaving Merry Christmas for the inside verse.
Corrie
thanks for the additional insight, Lynn… I tried green for the text and it looked way too funny – at least to me… I tried a few different shades and it just wasn’t working…. I did use the color from the candles and it seems to work better. Would outlining the text maybe with the color of the border set it off more or should I leave it as is? I removed the bevel on it too and used a different font that should work for the other versions of the card even when squeezed but I’ll have to see as I continue to work on it.
I’m not sure about egg nog – it works but I guess I think of alcoholic kinds unlike fresh apple cider. But, that’s just me maybe…
Here’s the thing, Donna… when we talk about harvest and apple cider, people think of autumn. Eggnog belongs firmly in the realm of Christmas. Sometimes it isn’t about what you as an artist or person prefer, it’s about the perception of the shopping majority.
Corrie
Hi Donna, I like the changes you made based on Corrie’s initial suggestions. The white text on the front seems disjointed with the graphic which I do love. Perhaps a more traditional old english script that is not intalized. Was the font initially a different color other than white? Maybe try the green represented in the evergreens or even the same color as the boder and boots to tie the whole card together. Or picking the color of the candles whihc appears to be a soft yellow? My other thought is in regards to the inside verse and changing it from hot apple cider to egg nog. The hot cider reminds me of Fall. But it could be me and the region of the US where I’m from. Best of luck, love the nut cracker idea and kudos to you for getting a jump on the Christmas season.
thanks so much… I made the changes and I hope it’s better now. Corrie, I admit whole-heartedly that I am having difficulty pulling myself away and trying to think like a possible buyer will… I am trying to figure out a way to train myself accordingly…
Did I make it in time? If so, here’s mine:
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Chemos+Baby+Fuzz+Look-greeting+card-821042?pid=821042&aid=154103&ref=cb_card_title
Wondering if this card “works” or not. It’s a card TO a cancer victim just starting the long, hard journey of treatments, FROM one who has survived cancer. It pictures a woman who lost almost all of her hair. I used the same image in some of my other baby cards, so maybe she looks too young… although I was diagnosed, myself, at 39…so some woman ARE young when they go through it.
Thanks, in advance, to any and all who take the time to critique it for me. 🙂
Cindy
Cindy, the purpose of the card is highly specialized, for a relatively narrow niche, but that’s okay. Nothing wrong with that. And humor is good!
What confuses me is the image on the front. It’s clearly not a baby but a grown woman with a bit of fuzz, but you’ve very emphatically stated that “cancer is not for babies’ which made me expect to see an image of an infant. I can see where you’re trying to go with this, but it’s not quite working.
Also, the inner verse is good, but you may want to re-think the second line “and there’ll be lots of crap” because the last part “you don’t have to wear diapers to deal with the crap” makes it unnecessary. Maybe make a slight adjustment… “and there’ll be a lot of crap, but fortunately not the kind you have to wear diapers for!” or something like that.
Corrie
I guess I meant “babies” in the sense of cry-babies; although one does tend to cry a lot when first diagnosed with cancer. Also there’s the bald-headed (like a baby) look. The point I was aiming to make, though, was that you have to be strong, and don’t wimp out. I guess I’ll have to figure out a better way to do that.
I LOVE what you did with the inside text and I’m going to go change it right now!!! 🙂
Thanks!
Cindy
How about if I change the text on the front to read:
It’s hard not to be a baby (with “baby” in a larger size) when you get a cancer diagnosis, especially when you lose your hair (and maybe put “lose your hair” in a larger size, too) from the chemo…
And on the inside:
… but you have to be TOUGH, and don’t wimp out! There’ll be a lot of crap to deal with along the way to recovery–but fortunately not the kind you have to wear diapers for.
Having been through it, I do feel your pain. Take heart… things get better and your hair WILL grow back.
Would that make it work better?
Thanks,
Cindy
I like the changes…I’ll suggest this: on the front of the card, “It’s hard not to be a baby…” then on the inside, “when you get a cancer diagnosis, especially when you lose your hair” then the rest. I think reducing the amount of text on the FRONT of the card will help balance the design a little better, and put more emphasis on the humorous image where it belongs.
Corrie
I like the changes. I wish we could find a way to show the transition of cards along the way as a result of the critiques. Coming in a little late makes it harder to see how the cards change throughout the discussion.
I don’t mean to be the grammar police, but you should not end a sentence in a preposition. Maybe do something like “…there’ll be a lot of crap, but fortunately can avoid the diapers” or “….there’ll be a lot of crap, but fortunately won’t have to wear diapers!” or “…there’ll be a lot of crap, but not the kind that requires diapers.”
I know that proper grammar is often not followed within greeting cards so this is just my two cents.
Shelley
Hi Shelley! Actually, when it comes to greeting card inner verse, it’s better to phrase an informal card like this in a conversational way rather than according to the strict rules of grammar. The card has a humorous bent as well. Too formal phrasing doesn’t suit the purpose.
Corrie
Thanks Corrie & Shelley! The updated one is in my original post to this clinic (above). If you’d like to see the original, it is in my Private Gallery for now (although I will likely delete it within a month or so). Here’s the link to it:
http://artist.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Chemos+Baby+Fuzz+Look-greeting+card-821050?pid=821050&aid=154103&ref=cb_card_title
Thanks again! 🙂
Cindy
Hi, did I make it for the 5th card? Here is a newly designed card. I would appreciate the feedback. Thanks in advance for your time and comments. Lynn
http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/-Graduation+and+Good+Luck+at+College+-Follow+your+dreams,+Guided+by+flowers+and+stars-greeting+card-826935?pid=826935&aid=150145&ref=cb_card_title
Hi Lynn…Here are my thoughts. GREAT idea for a card! The moon should be round and is a bit egg-shaped and perhaps would be better a bit bigger. The beveling on the stars doesn’t sit with me, so maybe you could try it without a bevel and instead perhaps a faded glow effect. The flowers at the bottom bother me. Though I get your message (and its a good one) the flowers are evenly spaced rather than randomly scattered like they would be in a meadow and they are facing out rather than up. Lastly your text looks a bit out focus which often happens with black text when a shadow is used. Try it without the shadow.
Here is a link to a commercial use Photoshop Brush which might help you create a starry sky for which to place your moon 🙂
http://myphotoshopbrushes.com/brushes/id/391
Thanks Doreen for the suggestions, I’ll make the modifications and repost. I agree about the stars and when I read Corrie’s other post about “beveling” being out, I immediatly new I needed to make the changes. I think you are absolutely right about the evenly spaced flowers especially compared to the satrs which are random and know that you point it out it makes perfect sense and seems obvious.
I agree with Doreen. Message great, image needs work. My suggestion has to do with the look of the flowers, which seem distorted as well as a rather unattractive grayish-purple.Can you adjust that to make the color a bit brighter and more cheerful? Doesn’t go with your pink stars at all. How about making the stars white, lose the bevel, and yes, a faded white glow might work as Doreen suggested.
Corrie
Hi Corrie, thanks for the suggestions, my brother-in-law was married today. My creativity has been spent on flowers, photography, etc both yesterday and today. When I get back to PS I’ll work on both yours and Doreen’s suggestions. I apprecaiet the time you both spent looking and posting.